During interpersonal interactions, subconsciously we are emitting non-verbal signals and reading them. All these non-verbal behavior such as our body movement, posture of our arms, eye contact and actions can send a strong message across. Staying silent can also be a powerful non-verbal behavior. One of such occasion that I observe would be the conflict between my two friends. Sum and Sam. Sam has the tendency to be very outgoing and sometimes slightly over the top, which might end up as a disturbance to Sum. How Sum would react most of the time is to get angry and yell if applicable or to keep quiet and walk away. There is one specific occasion which I felt that there were a multitude of non-verbal skills and actions that occurred in this specific example.
It happened during Chinese New Year, where all my friends got together for a steamboat reunion. This time, it was slightly different as we were invited by Sum’s mother. While we were enjoying the steamboat, Sam tried to match make Sum with one of the friend in the presence of Sum’s mother. Sum then stared at Sam with a frown and subtly shake his head in disapproval of this subject. Sam, not catching the non-verbal signs, decided to carry on. Due to Sam’s tendencies to not listen when Sum ask to stop, the only way to stop Sam would to be to yell at him. However, as Sam was a guest, it wouldn’t be appropriate to do so and would be deemed as very rude. Following that, Sum’s usual self-changed from being chatty to being quiet as it can be seen that he was uncomfortable with the topic.
Sum then tried to get them to change the topic by circling the chopstick around the steamboat, signalling to start eating..However instead of noticing these non-verbal Que,more people joined in the fun. Sum body tilted to face another direction so as to avoid everyone. When Questioned, Sum would avoid the question, forcing a smile and refusing to take part in the conversation,with the chat still ongoing, Sum left halfway, non-verbally stating that he had enough.
Due to Sum’s Family culture of being the more traditional type, words are not to be spoken without caution as it will bring up a multitude of questions which might end up very ugly if answered wrongly. So therefore, most of the time Sum will remind us before entering to not ask too much questions or keep away from certain subjects. At the same time ,i can only feel that age play a very big part in shaping their behavior, young people has the tendency of doing stuff without thinking about the consequences because when you are young everything . Just like this scene where Sam did not spare a thought for Sum even though countless non-verbal skills is displayed.
Well hello Marcus! Your story is an interesting one, with Sam and Sum being so similar i get confused and mix them up almost at every 3 lines.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, from your story, it seems that Sum is a very nice person, trying to control himself until the very end before taking action of walking away. He showed good considerations of his surrounding people and bottled up his anger. Sam, on the other hand, seems like a very mischievous person, making me think that why are they even friends in the first place, when Sam always bullies Sum.
But that being said, the friends around him should also know their limit and try to control the situation instead of joining in and making it worse. After all, they are at Sam's house, with his parents around. Such behavior and attitude will not make themselves look good in front of his parents.
Hello Marcus, I agreed with you on how non-verbal communication can send strong message especially silent. I also agreed with errrnieee^ on the naming of your 2 friends as it can be really confusing to differentiate them. I am sorry to learn that Sum left halfway through the dinner but i supposed that it is better than confronting Sam and making a scene as it was a joyous occasion. I have to admire Sum's emotional intelligent, the amount of self control needed to endure Sam's matchmaking and not implode. I guess his parents must have instil a lot of guest treating values into Sum that caused Sam to get away with his teasing.
ReplyDeleteGood Evening Marcus!
ReplyDeleteThis is a very interesting example, with a lot of positions to consider, and the perspectives of both parties involved. What may have seemed like a joke to Sam and all in good fun wasn't so fun at all for Sum.
I find it amusing that the more extroverted Sam who gets along with everyone was actually the one that was insensitive, while the more introverted Sum treasured his friends and the occasion and didn't want to put a dampen on the festive mood by keeping his annoyance to himself.
I like this story because there are two very valuable lessons we can learn from Sum and Sam.
1) We need to actually think very carefully before we say things.
Take into account the atmosphere, the surroundings, whether the other party is interested in the conversation. Sometimes, in situations where we say whatever we want to get a few laughs, people get hurt in the process. A decent person shouldn't hurt his friends unless he's perfectly okay with it. Sum was not.
2) Weigh your options, and pick the one that results in the most people happy. If Sum shouted or made a scene, sure, Sam would've probably stopped, but he considered his surroundings. Would it really be worth getting angry at my (usually) good friend when everyone's enjoying this delicious steamboat? He calculated, and decided it wasn't worth it. More people should do this.
Being insensitive and selfish to an insensitive and selfish person
makes both of you terrible people. This is a recurring theme I've observed in many of the blog posts about parents and families this week.
I look forward to your next post!
Kenryk Abraham Chacko Ky Fu
expertcommunicator.wordpress.com