This involves my 2 classmates, Sam and Kit. As Kit joined
our class in-between the semester, where the rest already known each other, he
was a new student in class. Seeming like a friendly guy, we went to talk to
him. After introductions, he admitted that he has low Emotional Quotient. He
also mentioned that previously in his studies, the class hasn’t been very good
to him, causing him to be ostracized, resulting in bad result. However, after
our observations, we realize he lacked situation awareness, tact and a very
poor English foundation.
Due to his age, we felt pity for him and decided to help him
out to finish his studies. Sam being a nice guy, found it hard to reject Kit’s
advances even though where Sam has yet to complete his own work. So, over time,
Kit just handed his poorly done work to Sam and Sam would redo it for him.
So, after multiple occasions, Sam knew he had to do his work
first so he wasn’t able to help Kit. Kit took this negatively due to his lack
of situation awareness. He thought that Sam was sick of doing his work for him
and lied to him. He probably felt annoyed and thought it was the same as what
the other class did to him, this being the first step, refusing the help and
then finally ostracizing him, fueling his hatred and anger towards Sam.
So during peer evaluation, Kit was tasked to evaluate Sam. However, due to the previous incident that Sam couldn’t help Kit, he evaluated Sam badly, thus causing Sam’s result in that module. Sam flared up and argued with Kit, the argument didn’t stop. It went onto Facebook and Sam was determined to make sure the class knows what happened. Using social media, he got his aim and Kit was then ostracized again.
So during peer evaluation, Kit was tasked to evaluate Sam. However, due to the previous incident that Sam couldn’t help Kit, he evaluated Sam badly, thus causing Sam’s result in that module. Sam flared up and argued with Kit, the argument didn’t stop. It went onto Facebook and Sam was determined to make sure the class knows what happened. Using social media, he got his aim and Kit was then ostracized again.
In my opinion, Sam could have taught and encouraged Kit on
how to edit his work and improve it rather than doing it for him. Kit on the
other hand should understand that no one is obligated to help him and he should
be grateful that Sam is helping. If you need somebody’s help, you should be
more understanding. As the proverb goes, “give a man a fish you feed him for a
day; teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime. It is more worthwhile
to teach someone something than to do it for them.
So readers, if you were in Sam’s position what would you
have done?
Well Hello Marcus!
ReplyDeleteI've read your story, and I've wondered why you weren't helping in this situation, whether by trying to stop or to talk to either of them. Kit seems like he really took it for granted, so he should not even blame Sam for anything. Sam on the other hand, should at least sit down and talk to kit about it, instead of just saying that he had no time, so they would both come to an understanding and not be unhappy about it.
-Ernest
Good day Marcus! I genuinely feel that Sam had every right to get annoyed with Kit. Kit never appreciated all the times that Sam helped him out, and instead took Sam's friendliness for granted and acted like he was entitled to his assistance. Having low emotional intelligence is not an excuse for not being able to tell when someone else is doing you a favor, and I feel that Sam was too much of a pushover for not speaking up to Kit and making him understand that he shouldn't be expecting his help at his every beck and call.
ReplyDeleteOn the flip side, Kit was struggling from his studies from the very beginning, it seems, and when life was getting more stresful and busy for Sam, it was likely magnified for Kit, who probably felt helpless. To him, it would seem like his "best friend" was abandoning him in his time of need.
I believe strongly in equivalent exchange, and Sam should have asked for help in return whenever Kit asked him for help, whether in terms of monetary or help in other subjects. With a fixed system set in place, Sam could implement surge pricing for the increased demand during the later periods, and Kit would have no choice but to either pay up or find someone else to bug. Kit would not blame Sam as much, as Sam's help would become a business transaction more than something he would always end up relying on. Hence, the conflict would be prevented.
-Kenryk Abraham Chacko Ky Fu
expertcommunicator.wordpress.com
Hi Marcus,
ReplyDeleteI can see that Sam is using the avoiding method to handle this scenario. This method is working well at first.
But as we can see, that did not turn out well as it caused the root problem to develop and fester which lead to the argument.
I feel that "collaborating" is the right method to use in this scenario as by making Kit lower his assertive and do his own homework and Sam increasing his assertive to stand up for his own rights.
This way they can to come to a common understanding where both parties are able to come to a conclusion where both parties are able to get a solution that is fair and reduces the strain on their relationships as classmates.
-WeiQuan
Hi Marcus,
ReplyDeleteI felt that Kit should learn how to do his work instead of passing it all to Sam, and that Sam shouldn't blindly do Kit's work and should teach him how to do his work. And when Sam could no longer do kit's work, he should tell Kit that he could not do his work anymore and tell him the reason.
If I were in Sam's position, i would not have helped him do his work in the first place, but tell him he could come to me for help if he didn't know how to do his work, and instead of helping him do his work, teach him how to do it instead.
-Jarren